Something last night just clicked. How I have been getting in my own way of the things I want to create. Why do we do this? How do you get out of your own way? I’ve been asking myself this question a lot lately, because it’s been a recurring theme of late. I’ve also been looking at my own shadows and how they impact me getting in my own way.
I did an energy exchange late last year and it resulted in me having this wonderful 90 day action plan. It went really well for the first month and a half, but when I really needed to step up and take action, I was hesitant. And still was until recently. Who was I to step into the limelight? One of my tasks was to reach out to podcasts so I could feature as a guest. It is a great way for me to tell my story, connect with my community, have an exchange of energies, and hopefully get my name out there further.
However, this was daunting to me, and still is. But I finally feel ready to take that next step. It might have only taken me five months to do so, but I got there.
What came over me last night? Images of me on those podcasts, sitting across from a host, speaking my truth. Images of me holding space for clients, leading sound baths, hosting retreats. The life I’ve been dreaming of, but this time I saw it as something I was actively pushing away.
I recently needed to purchase a necklace for an outfit I’m wearing to a wedding. I have the earrings and dress, but I wanted a necklace to match. I ended up speaking to two of the assistants in the store and found myself falling back into old habits of how I spoke about myself. I dropped things twice in the store, was holding two bags in my hand, and felt out of my comfort zone because I hadn’t bought myself jewellery in quite a while. I observed it in the moment and then reflected back on it in my shower later that night.
That’s when the images came streaming in. Of me being on podcasts, talking to clients, hosting sound baths and retreats, and more. The life I’ve been envisioning for a while now, but it hit differently this time. I was seeing it as all of the things I was missing out on. That I was the one holding myself back through fear. Fear of being judged, fear of being perceived, fear of being embarrassed and unknowledgeable.
But none of that is true. I don’t have to look at it that way.
I saw that I am missing out on the adventure of creating something meaningful in this harsh, violent, aggressive world. A world that is also capable of great beauty, love, compassion and kindness.
It all depends on the perspective, lens and viewpoint you want to see the world through. It is neither all evil nor all loving. It is both. And understanding and accepting that is one of the first steps into understanding yourself and the universe more deeply.
How are you getting in your own way? Write down the ways you’re holding yourself back. Ask your body, what do I need right now? And listen for the response. It might surprise you.
Much love,
